Summer Writing Updates

And a note on love

After a few months away, the siren song of Substack has been calling me back. The good news? The break has been writing-related—I’ve been showing up here less because I’ve been writing more. Book writing, to be exact.

On the other hand, I’ll admit — life has gotten in the way a bit. But surprisingly, not in a bad way. Actually, it’s been kind of delightful, which I wouldn’t have anticipated a few months ago. Because let’s be serious, life does not always do this. Especially when you’re like, “Hi, Life could you give me a break?” And life is like, “Oh, no I’m afraid we can’t make that work. In fact, you’re in for more choppy water, hang on tight.”

Truthfully, the last year since I’ve been back in the US, I’ve tried to put a little Pause on life as I’ve known it. Kind of Walden-style, but still semi-living in the world, to make time/energy/space for writing and thinking.

When I was a busy Upper East Sider with a full-time, always on call job, a side gig as a yoga teacher, and another side gig as a comms professor, I didn’t have that much time to think, write or breathe. I also dated like it was a fourth job, and had lots of friends and people I was always concerned about responding to, networking with, and saying yes to, at least as much as humanly possible.

All that’s changed. These days, old friends and former co-workers no longer have easy access to me. I have no alerts on my phone anymore. I’m not on IG 24/7. Want to talk about commitment to the writing time? In a fit of frustration over nonsense telemarketer calls/texts and group chats I love but do not need to be aware of every minute, I ordered a phone lock box thing.

People really cannot get a hold of me whenever they want -- the way it works is my phone is locked in the box for however long I set it for.

I love this.

[I can’t find the particular image of the one I got, but it’s more ghetto style grey plastic, does not charge, does not hold 7-8 phones. But this is the general idea]

I can never fully explain the luxury of that after working in public relations for most of my career. When you work in PR, you’re pretty much always on call, because the news is 24/7. I also worked as the crisis and issues contact at a busy NYC hospital, which meant I was always on call, and generally working (on vacation, on weekends, on the beach, when I was attempting to write, when I was on dates…).

So despite what I’ve given up, I remain incredibly grateful for this carved-out time where I am allowed to use a lock box for my phone, if I so desire.

Back to the delightful life updates: I met someone pretty amazing while traveling in Colorado. And honestly? It’s been easy. As my friend who lives there noted: “They don’t call it ‘Men-ver’ for nothing.” (Denver. Menver. You get it). It won’t make for gripping memoir material, but after years of stormy chapters in my love life, this feels like a quiet plot twist I didn’t see coming—and I’m grateful for it.

Colorado also brought a job opportunity that I’m still waiting to hear about. Fingers are very crossed. But this time, I’m asking the Universe to protect me from awful roles with irritating people and weekend work. I’m holding it all lightly for once.

Writing Updates

In terms of writing, the heartbeat of the book I mentioned in my last post continues to strengthen. And while writing days rarely look the same, I’m getting online regularly (maybe not every single day, but 5 - 6 days a week). Some days it’s only an hour, and I’m okay with that. I’m spending more time with the book (writing, brainstorming, plotting, editing) vs. feeling guilty over avoiding it.

My Inner Critic still accompanies me to each and every writing session, sharing thoughts like this:

“Maybe it’s time to stop! No one wants to read this drivel.”

“What. The Actual Fuck. Are you doing. This is such a waste of time. You do realize you need a job. Like yesterday. Shouldn’t you be spending more time on applications. Boosting your resume? People are doing AI trainings, and project management certificates. That could be you, sitting on a zoom today, learning project management systems!!!”

All I can say is that what we resist, persists. I spent a fair few posts (see here & here) getting in tune with my Inner Critic, and I feel certain she won’t be going away. We still have chats now and then. But on the other hand, what we put our attention on grows. I can’t spend ALL my writing time grappling with her. These days I’m working on shifting focus, quietly. Back to the work. Because the thoughts don’t matter, the work does.

Overall, my bar these days is a lot… quieter. The less I try in most areas of life I care about, the better the flow. Look at my dating life. Letting go has helped so much more than holding on tightly to things that were never meant to stay.

Lastly, support recently came from an unlikely place. My dad.

He’s the kind of person who offers a lot of unsolicited thoughts and life advice, often wondering out loud if perhaps I could be networking a little more with old colleagues. And don’t I miss collaborating with the smart people I used to work with?

We traded messages back and forth while I was in Colorado, and he surprised me with this message:

“You know, I wanted to make sure you knew that I’m proud of you for what you’re doing, and that I know your book is getting done. You’re smart, you’re passionate and you’re relentless. I love that about you and I’m also very sincerely believing that this is happening.”

Relentless. What a great word. It reminds me of another word I love and strive to be, resilient. But relentless? That’s fiercer. It’s reminding my Inner Critic of the truth— that we can go back and forth all day long, but regardless, the train is moving forward.

I’m glad my dad knows this about me.

It took me a long time to realize that one of the hardest things about veering from the well-trodden, culturally approved life path I’d been traveling on so long was disappointing my parents. They were SO proud of the life I created. It was almost enough to make me feel proud of it -- to want to stay trapped in it.

Almost.

These days, I’m feeling proud of myself - for my progress, my stick-to-it-ness and doubling down on something that has a lot of uncertainty, where the outcome is totally unknown. For again and again looking inside myself (regular meditation helps with this) and asking if I’m allowed to live outside of survival mode.

I am.

I’ll probably never stop wanting my parents to be proud of me, but I’ve come to realize that there are more important things.

I’m mostly just working on holding it all lightly. Relentlessly. With lockboxes, if needed.

Until next time, keep going!