I had a good kiss this weekend.
Writing-wise though, I wasn’t nearly as productive as I hoped. In fact, once I sat down to finish a scene, I felt like giving up. The words did not feel fresh. Or inspired. It was difficult to get into it. And it was a romantic scene!
Some of the trouble? Per usual, my dating life is not uncomplicated. And those thoughts are distracting. I went on a third date with someone who I’ll call the Long Island Tennis Guy. I met him on Bumble and things felt promising after we agreed to meet for coffee. He asked if he should ‘bring his racket’ (we’d chatted a lot about tennis; he’s obsessed and plays a few times a week, I play on and off, now and then) or if this was just the vetting part of the process. I assured him it was just vetting, so he joked he wouldn’t wear his tennis gear. Cute, right? He did end up wearing an aqua US Open T shirt, which brought out the green in his hazel eyes.
After that, we quickly planned a tennis date. There was definitely in-person chemistry. I felt cautiously optimistic. He has a kind of shy, very cute but doesn’t totally know it, messed up teeth with sharp incisors look (am I the only one when who likes it when people don’t have perfect teeth?). He seemed intelligent and quick, plus self-deprecating, which always pulls me in.
Unfortunately, the second date didn’t go as well. The tennis was fine, but then at dinner after, something was off. First, he isn’t flirty at all. He has a seriousness about him that’s down to earth, real and straight to the point. It’s probably good when you’re in a relationship with him. But not exactly the charismatic lightness that you want to aim for on a first date.
Then there’s the fact we both over-shared.
He spoke for 20 minutes about the details of his divorce, and used the words “she really hates me,” several times. He also said (several times) how poorly his business is doing and that he “hadn’t planned to get rich, and he certainly hasn’t.”
Ok, then.
I’m going to take some blame here too. He was so down on marriage, I felt the need to defend the institution, and believe said several times that I wanted to get married.
I didn’t mean, like, to him. Or that evening or anything. But bringing up marriage on a first date maybe isn’t the most charismatic, light thing I could do either.
By the end of the night, we ended up in the parking lot at that awkward moment where you wonder if a kiss is going to happen. Honestly, after his total lack of flirting and our somewhat deflating conversation, I really wasn’t sure.
Well, it happened, and it was an awkward, middle of the parking lot type kiss.
I was confused when I got home. I didn’t know if I wanted to go out with him again. I felt a bit brought down by our conversation. It seems like he’s having a hard life.
So it’s been about a month of infrequent, decidedly unflirty, non-bantery texting (an example: “Hey how’s it going? I think I caught my daughter’s cold"). I felt pretty sure he wasn’t going to ask me out again. And honestly, he didn’t really. But it was nice out this weekend, so I let him know I was around for tennis. He asked if I was free on Friday.
I had no idea if it was even a date.
It didn’t start out that way, but then kind of turned into it? We played tennis, then got to chatting, and then he asked if I wanted to get dinner and we went to this low-key pub type restaurant.
I think we both felt more relaxed this time. I know I did. Maybe the non-dateness of it helped. There’s something about him that’s easy to like. For example, when we started playing tennis, he chose the sunny side of the court. Like, full setting sun in his eyes. I didn’t realize it until we took a break.
“Wait, has the sun been blinding you this whole time?”
“Not for the last ten minutes,” he joked.
Maybe I’m just starved for chivalry but I felt like that was a really nice thing to do in such a low key way.
There’s also the fact he understands what it is to be an artist, since he went to art school. While I don’t consider myself an ‘artist’ there’s no doubt that there’s an artistic element to writing, so it just feels like he understands where I’m coming from with this whole book writing thing.
Lastly, he reads! Like, he has opinions about Infinite Jest (loves it, interesting) and somehow our conversations become very meandering and fun which then leads to talking about real, actual things.
And of course, there was the kiss. Again, by the end of the evening I wasn’t even sure if it was a date. It felt like friendship with someone you think is super cute. But isn’t that the best kind of date?
So we arrived in the parking lot again. A hug naturally turned into a kiss and then we were definitely making out. It felt natural and easy. Also surprisingly hot and turned up as it went on. And on.
I’m not sure where that leaves things. Still unclear. Definitely thinking about it. When really, I should be thinking about this book. And plotting. And language. The relationships that are happening in this novel.
At one point those relationships seemed very exciting. Now, I have to admit, it’s a lot of day-to-day work. Like a 9-5 job but without human interaction, or feedback, or much of anything besides me, myself, and I facing the blank page.
Today I couldn’t face the blankness of it all. I worked on a scene that I’ve edited maybe 7 times already. It still isn’t quite right. I have more scenes to write in the writing ‘sprint’ I’m doing, which has slowed to a crawl.
So does dating distract from the work of writing? I’m going to say yes, it does. But writing a book, at least in my experience, is this ongoing process that seems to always/most of the time take longer than expected. We can’t say no to life in the interim. Or at least, I’ve proven that I can’t.
I’m not sure if there’s an answer here. Life is distracting, but also where we get our stories from. Maybe it’s that when writing, regardless of what’s going on in life, you just have to keep going.